


Three Letters

by EnduringChill



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Epistolary, Love Confessions, M/M, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-23 23:45:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7484637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnduringChill/pseuds/EnduringChill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I read a fic that mentions letters coming to light after Bucky is considered dead. It made me think of what those letters might have contained.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Letters

**Author's Note:**

  * For [221BJen (jcoz1701)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jcoz1701/gifts).



> As part of the Twelve in Twelve 2016 challenge (yes I am late and still owe May) and a birthday gift to my dear friend 221bjen. Happy Happy Birthday!!
> 
> Thank you to callie4180 for being the sole second set of eyes on this flash fic. You are the bees knees!
> 
> This is my first attempt in the Marvel universe and tackling the complicated relationship of Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes. I hope I have done it justice. Comments are always welcome!

Steve pulls out his well worn copy of War and Peace. No one ever gives a second glance to the thick book on his shelf cluttered with tattered note pads and old newspapers. He listens at the door as voices draw close and fade away down the hall. Pulling the book on the bed, he curls his legs under him. Fifty years ago, he wouldn't have been able to lift this book. He would need Bucky to pluck it from the shelf and place it on his thin lap. Bucky would wink and return to his previous task as if it had been no bother to be interrupted.

_ Bucky. _

With a heavy heart, Steve cracks open the book to page 310 to reveal three folded letters, frayed and yellowed from time. Gingerly, Steve opens the first letter dated March 1943.

 

_ Steve, _

_ When they say war is hell, they aren't lying. It's cold, dirty and filled with smelly guys. I wish I had been turned down by the Army and stayed with you in Brooklyn. I know they say something about hindsight, but I'll be damned if I can remember now. I hope you're being safe. I kind of thought you'd send me a letter by now, but I guess you're still busy trying to enlist. Do you have a special girl? I'm sure someone has caught on to how great you are. You know, now that I'm gone. Leave some for me, heartbreaker. Seriously, I miss you. I wish you were here even if it means I have to keep my eye on you. On quiet nights like tonight, I wish I could talk to you. Or listen to you read your boring books to me while we do night watch. The guys here are nice enough, but they don't compare to you. Well, I gotta run. Dugan fell asleep and I have to think of a creative way to wake him. Take care. _

_ Till the end of the line, _ _ Bucky _

 

Steve folds the paper and envisions Bucky sitting in a ditch writing his letter. His fingers would have been brown from the mud and dirt. His bright blue eyes dulled and bloodshot from lack of sleep. 

Steve unfolds the second letter.

 

_ Steve, _

_ I've never believed in God much, despite my mother’s attempt to get me to church. The fighting is all around us now. It's hard to know which guns are ours and which are theirs. I pray more than I ever did. I haven't slept in days, the gunfire is almost constant. And when it stops, that's when you worry. You listen for footsteps, or an accent. You listen for breathing or an unfamiliar voice. Dugan nearly shot my head clean off because everyone is on edge. _

_ I don't write to scare you or make you feel bad for me. If you get this letter, I'm probably dead. They say absence makes the heart grow fond, and for me it opened my eyes. I really miss you. More than is normal for a guy to miss another guy - no matter what good friends they are. I know it's weird to think about you as much as I do. Maybe I can chalk it up to the war playing with my head. I still miss you so much that it feels like a gunshot to the gut. My dreams have gotten stranger and I don't know it means. Maybe I just need a girl. Maybe I just need to see you. _

_ If we don't meet again, I want you to know you are the most important person to me. I'll regret never seeing you again, and it tears me apart. Love you, buddy. _

_ Till the end of line, _

_ Bucky _

 

When Steve first had read the letter, he had known the confusion Bucky felt. He had those feelings since he was twelve when he and Bucky were wrestling in the park. Bucky’s knee had grazed Steve’s crotch and sparks went off all over his body. Bucky had never known that the real reason Steve had dove into the pond was not because of bees but a raging boner. 

Everything had changed that day. Suddenly, Steve took notice of Bucky’s body changing. The facial hair, the musky smells and the developing muscles. He also hated that girls also took notice of his friend. And he really hated it when Bucky took notice of their curves and started talking about tits and firm asses. Every day puberty carried Bucky away from Steve, all the way to the U.S. Army.

Steve touches the letter affectionately. He wasn't alone in his feelings though. Bucky might not have understood them, but Steve could read it everything Bucky didn't say.

As always, Steve comes to the last letter, the hardest one. He takes a deep breath as he smoothes it across the book.

 

_ Steve, _

_ I'm glad I never sent that last letter. How was I to know you'd come in buff and big as life to save my ass? It'd be pretty embarrassing if you'd seen that letter. Right? _

_ I have no idea what they did to you in that lab. I think Hydra tried to do the same to me. I hope we're all on the right side. But I guess the bad guys knew you existed and they needed to stop that with someone just like you. I wasn't prepared to see you again and certainly not looking like that. I'm still getting used to you - taller, strong, deep voice. If I was confused before, well shit, I'm really messed up. I think about you all the time. First thing in the morning. When I'm in the shower. When I'm lying in my bunk at night. I wonder what it would be like to feel your lips on mine. Would it feel like a girl, or better? I know it’s wrong. We’re not supposed to think those thoughts or have these feelings. I try to make them go away, but it’s hard being close to you. Even harder when I see you look at that Peggy. The way your eyes light up. I wonder if I do that around you. Does anyone see it? I think I’m pretty good at hiding it, but I slip sometimes. Look too long. Smile too much. _

_ I don’t know why I’m writing this. I’m going to rip this up. No, burn it so no one ever finds it. So no one knows how much I love you. Yeah, I said it. I love you and have for a long time. You’ll never know it but I had to get it out. The words were crushing me like a tank on my chest.  Now they are on this paper that I’ll burn to ashes. _

_ Till the end of the line, _

_ James Buchanan Barnes _

  
  


The letter had been dated a few days before the fateful mission that would claim Bucky’s life. Steve barely had time to mourn as he had to save the world and avenge his friend’s death. He didn’t have time to grieve in his frozen state for 45 years. When he had woken up, the world had moved on and no one remembered Sergeant James Barnes. 

With great care, Steve folds the last letter and places it in between page 310 and 311. He replaces the book among the old, and seemingly uninteresting books on his shelf then reaches for the phone by his bed.

“T’Challa, it’s time,” Steve says plainly before hanging up. He takes a deep breath and heads for the cryogenic laboratory. 

  
  
  



End file.
